Category Archives: Running
Changing My Perspective on Patience
I began running last spring, but I was doing it on my own and suffering through the stupidity of wearing worn shoes and consequentially, shin splints. After wising up and getting new shoes in November, I still continued on my own, with less injury. I took time off in December for the busiest holiday season I’ve had in my adult life. So, I didn’t start training with a running coach until this February.
To my great surprise, my coach began with telling me to be patient. Considering that we’d only just met and that he clearly didn’t know how impatient I am, I cut him some slack and didn’t protest—first impressions and all that. He was direct about how long it could take to get me to a base-level of fitness. Before becoming a yogi, that kind of honesty in relation to my physical fitness and ability would have thrown me into a tailspin full of negative self talk and food restriction as punishment. Armed with a yogi’s approach to exploring new physical challenges, I accepted what my coach was telling me without judging myself, and I committed to our training plan 100%.
Sticking to the plan has conditioned my body to be a better runner. I take shorter walking breaks, and when I walk, it’s more brisk than before. I run farther than I’ve ever run before, too. Physically, I know the plan is working. Moreover, the plan is working on a mental level; and I think it’s made me more patient. The daily commitment to this plan is an active exercise in developing patience. Every day I do my pushups and core work; every day I work on strengthening my legs and improving my breathing; and every day I am slowly working toward a goal that is so far off in the distance that I can barely fathom it.
With each new two-week plan my coach develops for me, he almost always sends words of encouragement as well as caution to remain patient. Again, in the beginning, this really threw me off. My initial perspective was that runners are not supposed to be patient; the goal is to be first. People who are comfortable with waiting around typically are not also motivated to necessarily improve or be competitive. But throughout this process I’m learning that people who are motivated to improve are not necessarily competitive with others. Self competition and self improvement are quite enough for me at this stage of running and fitness. Also, this improvement takes time and daily work, thus patience to stay committed and do the work in spite of being so far removed from “peak” performance that I don’t even have a goal for it.
Room for Improvement
As part of my half marathon race plan, my coach reminded me to be patient—to not let the emotional high of the race experience undo my training. He set time goals for each mile that were challenging but still consistent with my previous long run performance. I did consciously try to stay within those goals, but I’ll admit I definitely got caught up in the adrenaline rush of race day, evident in how fast I ran my first three miles. Looking back on that experience, I see how I am developing the daily patience, but that I still need to work on exercising that patience when it counts on race day.
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am focusing on shorter distances and increasing speed over the summer. As part of that goal, I will participate in several 5Ks and 10Ks this summer. The distance may be shorter, and the speed may be picking up, but this requires patience all the same. I ran the first of these 5Ks on April 27th, and as with my other race, my coach sent me a race plan with time goals for each mile split. He also encouraged me to stick to these goals and not let the race day high push me harder or faster than I needed.
This race was only three weeks after my half marathon, so maybe I hadn’t developed adequate stores of patience in that time because I blew our set time goals out of the water. First, maybe this is a good thing. There’s nothing quite like having a goal and consistently running under it throughout an event; it feels amazing. Second and on the flip side, maybe this is how I injured myself.
I finished my first 5K of the summer about two minutes under my goal time, and both my coach and I were proud of my performance. I walked to cool down, stretched, and ate as all runners concerned with post-run recovery do. I went home and spent some quality time with my foam roller and hot shower. Then I napped. When I woke, I felt stiff—not uncommon the evening of a morning race. Ready for a meal, I moved to get out of bed and walk toward my kitchen. My body did not cooperate in the least. Getting out of bed was difficult; and walking was almost impossible as pain radiated from my right hip and groin. Clearly, I’d pushed myself too hard that morning. By that evening when it was hard and uncomfortable to stand, sit, or lie down, I was concerned. I took Aleve and alternated ice and heat as best as I could on my hip (a seriously hard place to reach with ice packs and a heating pad).
Last Sunday, I couldn’t walk without excruciating pain, and I was grateful that it was a rest day. Monday marked a return to my training plan, and with my first steps on the treadmill, I knew running just wasn’t going to happen. I did my mileage on the elliptical instead, and I made sure to let my coach know that I’d deviated from our plan. Tuesday I made an appointment with the Physical Therapist my coach suggested, but to do that, I also had to make an appointment with my primary care doctor. I took the week off from running and from elliptical work, and I just focused on my daily workout of pushups and core work. I stretched and did easy yoga as much as possible, but it seemed nothing was touching the pain in my hip.
I saw my doctor on Friday, and after a brief physical examination, he concluded that it was a hip flexor injury, and he sent me for an x-ray to make sure my hip joint was okay. The x-ray showed signs of “arthritic changing,” which could mean anything from a slight deterioration in cartilage or inflammation to actual arthritis. I’m not entirely sure what the x-ray results mean, but I’ve been advised to give my anti-inflammatory and PT two weeks before returning to the doctor. If things get better, great. If not, then he wants me to get an MRI. We’ll see how things progress.
Unexpected Side Effects
As much as I appreciated the week off from running after my half marathon, I hated last week away from running. I think I was so exhausted during the half-marathon recovery week that the rest was welcome. But last week I was not exhausted. I had only run a 5K. I should have been feeling perfectly normal on Sunday, but I wasn’t. I became increasingly more restless as the week progressed. I couldn’t sleep well, and I woke up several nights with panic attacks and lingering anxiety through the day.
I never thought I’d be one of “those people” who rely on running for anxiety management. Mindful breathing and yoga were my go-to methods, but with the absence from running, they barely seemed to touch my anxiety. I never thought I’d be a person who runs several times a week, either. But now I am, and my body (with all its anxiety) has come to depend on running as an outlet. It was on reflection of these new developments that I realized just how I had become more patient as well as how I need to continue working on it. And now with an injured right hip, I’m getting a full dosage of forced patience.
Life on the Injured List
I started physical therapy yesterday. I’m again grateful for being a yogi throughout this process because I think it gives me the perspective to be very clear when it comes to things going on in my body (Thanks, JN). I gave specific examples of what causes my pain, where it’s painful, and what I’ve been doing to alleviate and compensate for it. For now, I’m taking a prescription-strength anti-inflammatory and will be in physical therapy three times a week. I’m doing my baby exercises in addition to my daily pushups, core work, and elliptical for cardio. I’m biding my time until I can run again. I won’t be running in the 5K this weekend and likely won’t be running in the 10K on the 25th. I’m not even looking beyond the end of this month because I’ve learned that too many things can change in that much time. Maybe I’ll be ready to bounce back stronger than ever by the end of this month. Maybe it will take longer than that; to stay positive, though, I’m trying not to think about that possibility (avoidance is sometimes a useful coping mechanism).
Life on the injured list is depressing and stressful. Whether it’s asthma, ovarian cysts, my weight, or now an injured hip flexor & hip joint, it seems like my body is my greatest adversary when it comes to adopting a healthier, more active lifestyle. Several times in the last week I’ve fallen into the trap of asking why things like this happen to me, and that’s about the most unhelpful thing I could be doing. It doesn’t matter why my body has these challenges or limitations. And finding an answer wouldn’t be helpful either. If I allow myself even the smallest particle of thought that my body may just be designed to be overweight, flabby, and sedentary, then I risk abandoning my current pursuit of an active life. I know it’s also not helpful to have such a rigid perspective. I’m aware that just because I can’t run right now doesn’t mean that I am risking a slip into inactivity. But just as alcoholics and drug abusers require a sense of rigidity to keep them sober, I fear that being too accepting of my limitations will lead to falling off the wagon of my healthy lifestyle. So I acknowledge my obstacles, and I acknowledge that their presence means I need to learn ways around them. But I will not accept that I am made to be an immovable object.
I’ve also questioned whether running is a realistic way for me to be active. As I am queen of unrealistic expectations and stubborn to a fault, I’ve had to seriously consider if what I am doing is right for me. The yogi in me tells me it’s wrong to continue doing something that hurts me. Maybe I should do rowing or pick up cycling? Maybe I need to take an adult swim class at the local Y for no impact cardio? I might try those things, but I’m not giving up on running yet. My physical therapist and running coach both know that I want to return to running, and they’re both committed to making that happen. Now it’s time for me to be both patient and committed to this recovery plan so I can return to running.
Thank YOU for being patient in waiting for this post. It’s been a long time in the making, and as much as I wanted to post this soon after my half marathon, I think the additional time has given me a better perspective on patience and especially of envisioning myself as person with more patience than I thought. Thanks also for reading, as always.
Have you ever come back from an injury? What was that like?
The Friends Who Waited
In my last post, I briefly alluded to freaking out in the week preceding my first half marathon. As I mentioned, I wasn’t super excited because I was nervous about the mileage increase; but my freak out was mostly in reaction to knowing my beloved had organized an “entourage” to follow me along my race route and to celebrate after the race. I had just returned to Facebook after my Lenten hiatus to see that more people had committed to being there than I ever imagined. All I could think was that these people, some old friends and some new friends, were going to stand in the heat (and possible rain) for several hours just to watch me pass by them for a moment.
You see, I’m about the least patient person that I know, and I felt bad asking anyone other than my own husband to endure waiting around for me in the back of the pack. If I were a better runner, maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad; but I knew better than anyone else how long it would take. Because I hadn’t actually run the complete route before the race, I couldn’t exactly gauge when I’d be at certain checkpoints. I estimated based on my long-run performance, but running 13 miles is an unpredictable beast when the farthest you’ve ever run is 9 miles. So how could I really ask people to get up early on a Sunday and stand around for hours? Truthfully, I would never do that because I’m so impatient; I could never see myself doing something like that. (Maybe that makes me a bad friend? Maybe I need to learn how to be a good friend?) The only person I actually expected to be there was my husband, and that was only because the race was on a day he was off from work.
A Little Help from My Friends
Of course anyone’s first half marathon is a big deal, and most people would expect it to be a cause for celebration. I am not most people. I rarely ever ask for help. I never think anyone else I know would remotely care that I’m running in any race. I figure they’ve got better things to do, things that are more important to them. I figure the only people who really care about my running are other runners.
All of those assumptions might be true. But what I didn’t consider was that, though the people who showed up might not give a rat’s ass about running, they care about me. They wanted to support me because that’s what friends do. When I couldn’t get excited about it for myself, they got excited about it for me. Slowly and with my husband’s insistence, I came around to the concept that I have people in my life. I have people who are willing to get up early on a Sunday, people who are willing to stand around for hours, even in the heat and possible rain.
In a moment of bravery, I sent an email to my church. I let them know I didn’t want to speak up about it considering it was Palm Sunday and that Easter was coming, but that I could really use some encouragement for this event. And in response, as I was leaving church the week prior to the race, I was overwhelmed with love and encouragement from these people. My people.
That same week, my husband met with his friends from work to make signs. People I’ve only met a few times, people I hardly even know were staying up late making signs for my race. Of course I couldn’t be there; I was training. And still they did it. Some of them showed up too, even though they had sick babies at home, even though they never get up early on Sundays.
So this post is a very honorable mention and thank you for the people who thought of me, wrote to me, spoke words of encouragement to me, made signs, showed up, sent texts, and celebrated with me. This post is for every spectator who waits for the runners at the back of the pack. This post is for the people in my life. Thank you so much.
My First Half Marathon (and life after)
Housekeeping
It’s been too long since I’ve put up a proper post. Sorry about that. My hiatus can best be explained as follows:
April 1-7: Week leading up to the half marathon. Not a great week. It took a lot of energy to actually get myself motivated to look forward to the race. Perks of this week included all of the encouragement from my coach, my yoga teacher, and from my friends at church.
April 7: The half marathon. See recap below.
April 8-14: Recovering from the half marathon. See recap below.
April 15-present: Getting back in the swing of things. Busy with PIET work and the final push to Shiloh’s graduation.
2013 Knoxville Half Marathon Review
On Sunday, April 7th, I completed my first half marathon. The week before the event, I wasn’t nearly as excited as my coach and other runners. In the fall, I was looking toward this event as my goal, but training on my own was getting me injured; and I didn’t actually start training with my coach until February, which isn’t enough time to train properly. But, at this stage of my regular training plan, building a base running ability, I was scheduled to do almost 13 miles for my long run anyway. It was perfect timing to do a practice race, too.
Before this event, I’d only ever run 9 miles total; and I was mostly nervous about essentially adding on an additional hour of running without working up to it. Then, when I returned to Facebook and saw everything my husband had done in developing an “entourage,” I started to freak out a little. (My beloved refers to these moments as “onion” moments because I’m apparently layered like an onion. Thanks, babe.) But then my yoga teacher gave me a small dose of common sense. I focused on the running only, and didn’t think about any of the rest.
Setting Records
Of course the first time you do anything, it sets a record, but I set a few personal records at this event, too. For people not in the running world, my time is not impressive at all. For reference, a 91-year old man finished about 10 minutes before I did. He set a world record.(Side note: If I even make it to 91, I’ll want a medal.) What IS impressive is that I did it. I did it with ovarian cyst pain. I did it overweight. I did it as a former asthmatic. I did it as someone who used to be so crippled by depression and anxiety that I’d only ever leave my home to work (and sometimes not even then). So yeah, that’s pretty impressive to me.
Records:
3/20/13 Time: 14:28 Ran my first complete mile.
4/6/13 Time: 28:20 Two miles that included walking breaks. Faster than my 1 mile of consistent running.
4/7/13 Half Marathon Records set:
Overall time: 3:18:48
Fastest mile: 13:00 (First mile)
Time: 39:40 Fastest 5K (3.1 miles/First 3 miles)
Time: 14:47 Fastest Finishing mile; I finished way stronger than I thought I could.
Overall, I finished about 20 minutes faster than I anticipated based on my previous long-run performance. I’m pretty proud of that. But I’m also looking to knock at least 30 minutes off my time before my next half marathon, so I’m focusing on ways to improve.
Recovery
I’d already seen my recovery week plan, so I knew it was going to be a light week. What I didn’t expect was that I’d be so exhausted for so long, and that I’d hurt for as long as I did. When I came home from work almost every night that week, I did restorative yoga and went to bed at least 2 or 3 hours before my regular bedtime. Even though I’ve been getting enough rest, since the race I’ve been waking up exhausted and feeling incredibly run down. My coach told me that it’s typical to have an immunity zap after endurance events; and I’m confident that’s true, but all the pollen doesn’t help either.
As far as pain goes, I know it’s just something that has to work itself out. I know I’m not injured, and I know that I mostly just have to learn how to tolerate a different kind of pain. I can help things along by eating right/frequently enough, drinking enough, sleeping enough, and being mindful while exercising. The week immediately after the race, I was scheduled to log 10 miles, but I only did 2, and I walked it at that. I didn’t stick to my plan because I knew my body was telling me to be gentler than the plan had detailed. So I did restorative yoga and foam rolled like a boss.
Back on Track
The thing about taking time “off” from running is that it sucks coming back. I’ve been “coming back” for the last 10 days. I remember posting something like “2 miles today seems like nothing compared to 13.1 tomorrow” the day before the race. And now, it’s everything I can do to complete a 4-mile run. My body is still kind of recovering, and I know I can push through this; but I have to keep moving to do it. If I take two rest days in a row, I’m such a wimp on the next run. So now I’m back to working the plan. It’s harder because I have a different kind of pain to deal with in the process, but it’s still worth it.
Moving Forward
As I mentioned earlier, this event was a training run for my goal event. As you’ve noticed my race countdown in the margin, I was set to participate in the first ever Mountain Mommas ½ Marathon in Sevierville, TN on Mother’s Day (May 12th). Unfortunately, the race was canceled due to low registration, which is certainly a wrench in my plan. I asked my coach if we should focus on 5Ks and 10Ks over the summer and set another goal for the Bluegrass Half Marathon in Johnson City on September 22nd. That’s exactly what he wants to do. We’re going to continue to build a base running fitness and start working on speed. First step, reduce the walking breaks to 30 seconds, and walk more briskly & upright.
In the meantime, I’m updating my countdown for the September event because that’s my goal, but I’ll actually be participating in several smaller events before then. If you’re local and want to hang, here’s my schedule:
Saturday, April 27th Dogwood 5K
Saturday, May 11th Run for Clean Air 5K
Saturday, May 25th KTC Expo 10K
Saturday, June 1st, Run for the Rose 5K
Wednesday, July 3rd, Pilot Fireball Classic 5k
Saturday, August 10th, Color Me Rad 5K
Room for Improvement
Clearly, I expect to improve my performance over time; and to do that I’m sticking to the training plan because it works well. But I need to focus on at least two other areas, too: diet and yoga. Since February, I’ve significantly increased my cardio work as well as general fitness (pushups, core work, leg strengthening). The result has been a change in my metabolism, which affects my hormones and my ovarian cysts. These changes are good in the long-run, but any changes with hormones are difficult to endure even if the end result is positive. I’ve been advised to focus on a diet of low-glycemic foods to help regulate my metabolism, so that’s where I’ll start.
With yoga, I just need to do more of it. So far I’ve been focused on running and strength training geared specifically for running. I’ve done yoga, but it’s mostly restorative. I’m not knocking it because clearly my body needs it; but my mental health balance needs regular, moderately challenging yoga. I’m noticing the twinges of easy irritability and difficulty with meditation. I’m noticing more resistance to change and less mindfulness of the moment. Yoga has been the best thing for me in conquering these challenges. Like being thirsty though, once you recognize it, you’re already dehydrated. While I’m also working my way back into running, I also want to focus more on working back into a challenging yoga practice.
Realistic Goal Setting & Scheduling
So far I’ve mentioned three areas of focus (running, dieting, and yoga), and putting time and attention into this many things is a lot for someone who also works full time and volunteers part time. I’ve learned through reading Zen Habits that making lifestyle changes requires focus and action on small, frequent habits as opposed to large goals. Fortunately, my running plan is something my coach puts together. I don’t have to think about it; I just do it. I’ve also already got an awesome yoga practice; I just need to do it, too. Putting together a detailed diet plan takes several hours of research, planning, shopping, and meal prepping. If that’s the only thing I need to do on my own, it doesn’t seem like much; but the challenge lies in finding the time to do it all.
Because it’s starting to get hot, I’ll be returning to early morning practices. I hate waking up so early, but it’s the only way I can feasibly see myself running through the summer. It’s more of an environmental constraint than anything, and I just have to accept it. With early morning practices, I can focus on doing my restorative yoga on those afternoons/evenings. On cross training days, I’ll do the elliptical and yoga instead of either/or. I’ll be building the near-daily habit of exercising early every morning (cardio/endurance) and every evening (yoga). I’ll still take my weekly rest day, too.
So, I need help with the diet. Do any of you pay attention to glycemic index? Have you researched it? I’ve done the cursory Google search, but I’d like more than that. If you have any low glycemic index meals, please share the recipes! I’ll spend some time researching/planning on my next rest day, and I’ll check back here for any tips you want to leave.
Thanks for reading and come back for more on my Knoxville Half Marathon experience in The Friends Who Waited.
Reader Response: Tell Me More about Ovarian Cysts
In a comment on my most recent post, Comfortably Numb asked for more information about ovarian cysts, and because that was my first post dealing with that topic, this post is my attempt at providing her with more information. This is much more personal than I ever envisioned being on my blog, but I think women should be as informed as possible about their reproductive health.
My Personal History of Reproductive UNhealth
My struggles with reproductive health have existed since I was 11 years old. To give you some perspective, my “first” period was waking up with severe abdominal pain while being covered/soaked in so much blood that my mom thought I’d been stabbed. I’ve always had pain and been irregular (e.g., three months straight of menstruating to the point of anemia from that initial experience). I also had considerable weight gain and hormonal imbalance. At 11 years old, my doctor put me on Premarin (a hormone treatment for menopausal women) to shock my system with hormone therapy, and that was disastrous after only three days on the drug. My only other option at 11 years old was a surgery that could have potentially left me sterile, and my parents left it up to me to make the decision on whether to go through with it or not. I chose to take my chances with the pain and did not have the surgery. Since then, I’ve been on more birth control pills than I can remember, changing each time to address my body’s changing hormones. I’ve missed school and work because I’ve been crippled with painful menstrual cycles. I’ve had to spend entire summer breaks mostly confined to bed or limited movement also due to the pain. I lived like this for 17 years. Inescapable pain is a prison.
When I started having digestive issues a few years ago, I kept complaining of either sharp, stabbing pain or dull, soreness in my lower right abdomen. Thinking it was related to the digestive issues because of the unbelievable nausea that accompanied it, I went to expensive extremes to resolve it. Some of my nausea and stomach pain actually was related to digestive stuff, but my doctor referred me to a reproductive specialist in my city, and she found a string of cysts, some of them measuring 3.5 cm in diameter around my right ovary with an ultrasound.
Life Now
In my case, the cysts dissolve on their own, though it may take several weeks. I have noticed reduced frequency of cyst-related pain since I started practicing yoga & added running, and because I now eat foods that are less processed with less sugars. I actually started taking yoga in October 2010 as an alternative to the physical therapy my doctor prescribed to me for the cyst pain, and it’s been the catalyst for the lifestyle overhaul I’m living in right now. However, even with reduced frequency, the pain level hasn’t changed when I do get them. It’s severe, and it wipes me out.
Medical Mumbo-Jumbo
Because repeated, multiple cysts are typically linked to a hormone or insulin-related imbalance, it is treated as a precursor to diabetes, and many doctors prescribe medicine like Metformin, (which is traditionally used for Type II diabetics) to help cyst sufferers lose weight and manage cyst formation. I have NOT been prescribed Metformin because my cysts do eventually dissolve on their own and because I have been losing weight with diet and exercise, though it’s an unbelievably slow and arduous process. I have, however, had to change birth control several times to address the hormonal aspect of my condition.
Symptoms & Dangers of Ovarian Cysts
Symptoms that are red flags for me are (in the order they tend to appear): bloating and more density in my lower abdomen especially, soreness (like cramps), and severe sharp pain (like being stabbed) with nausea. For me it either happens the week before or after my cycle, and sometimes it can make my cycle much worse, even considering that I’m on birth control. Additional complications of ovarian cysts include urinary incontinence and frequent urinary tract infections as well as pain during sex or even during sexual arousal.
Dangers of repeated and multiple ovarian cysts include: cyst rupture, which can cause the ovary to rupture along with it, consequently resulting in internal bleeding and a necessary trip to the ER; twisting the ovary, which can essentially “kill” your ovary; and infertility (because the eggs that are released are too hormonally imbalanced to be fertilized).
When to See the Doctor & What to Bring
If you are experiencing frequent, sharp lower abdominal pain, usually (but not exclusively) limited to one side, I’d start making a log of it, especially in relation to your cycle. I’d also include in this log what you’re eating and drinking. Be specific: Does the pain interfere with your daily life? If so, how long does it last? Do your cycles change (get heavier or lighter, skip or last longer)?
Take the log to your reproductive health doctor and discuss it. He or she will most likely conduct a pelvic exam and a trans-vaginal ultrasound, both of which can be painful with ovarian cysts present, but these exams are necessary because a regular abdominal ultrasound doesn’t always pick them up clearly. If ovarian cysts are present, your doctor will then determine what kind they are and make a plan accordingly. Some people require laparoscopic surgery to burn the cysts off and clean up any scar tissue that may have developed on the ovaries or fallopian tubes; others in danger of becoming diabetic may need to take Metformin; or people like me need to switch up their birth control to manage the hormone imbalances.
Fertility & Ovarian Cysts
Issues like this have made trying to conceive quite challenging. If I have to stay on birth control just to manage my hormonal imbalances, then what happens when I go off it to conceive? Well, I personally have a three-month window off birth control before my symptoms get too severe for daily life. If I can’t conceive within three months, then I have to go back on my pills to prevent cyst/hormone overload on my ovaries. This back-and-forth with hormonal birth control is enough to make me think I’ve lost my mind, and it kills my husband to watch me go through this without being able to do anything about it.
With hormonal imbalances, unavoidable and hard-to-lose weight, crippling pain, and embarrassing facial hair, issues of infertility seem (to me) to be icing on top of the torture cake. While I have suffered beyond measure for almost two decades, I have to face my culture’s pressure to have children (which I absolutely want), and I have to see all my friends and family members fill up mini-vans and SUVs with their ever-expanding families. I have to face questions about why we continue to wait as we are, as well as horror stories of waiting too late to have children. At one point I had 14 friends on Facebook who were simultaneously pregnant and sharing their “baby trackers” online, and I had to unfriend them because I just couldn’t take the frequent updates without feeling sorry for myself. These issues are usually silent struggles shared between couples behind closed doors and in exam rooms, and I would typically say a person’s health issues (reproductive or otherwise) shouldn’t be a matter for such public conversation as this. But clearly people don’t feel they are crossing a line when they repeatedly ask me these questions in public; so I’ve been quite (embarrassingly) forthcoming with this post.
Aside from birth control, laparoscopic surgery is also an option for me (though an unaffordable one right now thanks to the medical debt from troubleshooting these issues). Within three months of having laparoscopic surgery, I’ve been told I’ll be a “fertile Myrtle” very much able to conceive, but the danger then lies in increased complications with pregnancy and increased likelihood of miscarriage. Because being off birth control is obviously necessary while pregnant, the cysts can return while pregnant and cause complications. Pregnant women who are prone to repeated and multiple ovarian cysts are also likely to develop gestational diabetes and preeclampsia.
We’ve also considered adoption, and you wouldn’t believe the expensive hoops we have to jump through just to be qualified. It’s as expensive as IVF, and as heartbreaking if surrogate parents decide to change their minds or if adoption boards don’t approve of any number of things on our adoption application.
I’m doing everything in my power to make my body both fit and strong enough to handle the ovarian cysts and to get & stay pregnant. Every ounce of my energy is going into working (to pay off medical debt and pay for preventative healthcare), exercising to lose weight, and observing a healthy diet to help regulate my hormones all so we can have children, whether biologically, with medical help, or through adoption. I’m well aware that I am approaching 30 and still childless. I do not need public reminders or questions of why we’re still choosing to wait. And I do my best to share in the happiness of my friends and family members who are having kids, but I have to admit it is a bittersweet joy.
For More Information:
A Self-Congratulatory Virtual High-Five!
The last two weeks have been hard. Two weeks ago, I started experiencing the dull and annoying pain of ovarian cysts; but I still ran. I felt strong because it was the first time a health condition had not sidelined me. But last week I was absolutely miserable. Barely able to walk or put any weight on my right leg, I could not do my Monday workout; and I did less than half of Tuesday’s workout. I felt better Wednesday, and even though I wasn’t scheduled for a workout, I did a low-impact one on the elliptical. I made up for the previous two days with that workout, and I felt decent afterward. Though I was in pain, I was still determined to log three miles Thursday; but I found myself completely bed-ridden with pain by Thursday evening (ugh).
Considering that my week had gone so poorly and that I was still in quite a bit of pain Friday, I was skeptical that I’d even run at all over the weekend much less log my scheduled eight miles. Despite my skepticism, when I went to bed Friday, I had my stuff ready, and I set my alarm to wake up for the KE Destination Run in Townsend, TN. I told myself that if I woke up in the same amount of pain, I’d skip the destination run and stay home to rest for a third day. I really didn’t want that to happen, so I prepped as much as I could and hoped for the best.
I woke up Saturday morning feeling alright—with a little pain, but I stretched out well and told myself I’d be gentle. I ate a great breakfast, and Shiloh and I hit the road for Townsend, TN on a cold and drizzly Saturday morning. We took a wrong turn in Maryville, went about 15 minutes in the wrong direction, and we arrived at the meeting place about a half-hour after the group had started. I knew I’d be running apart from the group anyway, so I didn’t let that discourage me.
Forget “new legs;” I must have had a lower body transplant Saturday. Invasion of the (lower) Body Snatchers
Shiloh stayed with me the whole way, and I’m supremely grateful for that. Running on twisty mountain roads without sidewalks and nearly no shoulders means that even with my fluorescent orange top, it was hazardous just being there. Had I been alone and gotten hit or had to dive off the road to avoid traffic, I would have ended up on the 11:00 news as one of those runners who’d wandered into the Smoky Mountain National Forest and failed to return on time. I would have made all those “you’ll end up dead in a ditch” statements true. Luckily, none of that happened, and I attribute most of that to the fact that Shiloh was watching out for us.
Because I was in the picturesque Smoky Mountains, I decided beforehand that I wouldn’t listen to music on the run, and that was also a pleasant surprise! It didn’t necessarily allow me to be more regimented with my run/walk schedule because I adhere to that even with music; but running sans music did allow me to run with a more controlled pace. I think I’ll see how I like running without music during these two weeks leading up to my next event. Because there will be several bands along the half-marathon route, I think I’ll have enough music to get me through without having to rely on my phone as a music player. We’ll have to play that by ear, so to speak. Maybe I’m turning into a “real” runner, after all.
Considering how bad my week had been, in spite of a late start on Saturday, and absent my typically motivational music, I logged almost 9 miles on Saturday. Words don’t accurately express how impressed I was (and still am) about that. Every time I go just a little bit farther, I reach a new milestone, quite literally, and those small successes are worth celebrating because they’re the firsts. And this weekend when I log 10 miles for the first time, I will feel that way again. Once I’ve done it enough, I’ll start focusing on the time it takes me to do it, but for now just logging the miles is enough to keep me motivated. Even during tough weeks like last week.
If living vicariously through me isn’t enough motivation, maybe you’ll find some inspiration in these quotes from legendary runner Steve Prefontaine:
“Some people create with words or with music or with a brush and paints. I like to make something beautiful when I run. I like to make people stop and say, ‘I’ve never seen anyone run like that before.’ It’s more than just a race, it’s a style. It’s doing something better than anyone else. It’s being creative.” (My chances of looking artful while running are slim to none, but I can guarantee you people stop and say, “I’ve never seen anyone run like that before.” It’s just not for the same reasons.)
“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”
“A lot of people run a race to see who is fastest. I run to see who has the most guts, who can punish himself into exhausting pace, and then at the end, punish himself even more.” (For my fellow masochists)
“Success isn’t how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.” (Because doing what I’m doing in my nonathletic, overweight condition is impressive, and I need to remember that when I’m finishing in last place.)
“Running gives me confidence.”
“You have to wonder at times what you’re doing out there. Over the years, I’ve given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.”
